Let’s talk about the Emperor. For the longest time, I had a very love/hate relationship with this card. If I am being completely honest, at times it felt like this card popped up in almost every reading I did for myself, and almost felt like it was taunting me in a way. Why? Simply because The Emperor represents a natural leader. Someone who is aware that they have authority, and they are confident in using it to help those around them. I did not feel like that was me. Once again, full transparency, I have always been looked to as a leader in jobs, churches, or friend groups, but I have never felt qualified. I think a lot of my discomfort with that card stems from that feeling of inadequacy, and that lead to some quite uncomfortable feelings arising whenever The Emperor showed up in readings. I am working through those feelings and spending time meditating with that card in mind. This brings us to how The Emperor, for lack of a better word, showed up to chat with me last night, or at least the energy he represents. I have always struggled to fit in with people around me. I often have thought of myself as a social chameleon, and prided myself in my ability to blend into any social group, but on the inside, I have never felt truly connected to any one group of people. You can almost think of it as playing a role every day of my life. Covid was a real tower moment for me in the sense that I no longer had people around me to base my personality off of and had to come to the shocking realization that I knew absolutely nothing about myself. Much like any Tower moment in our lives, I suffered through the shit, and picked up the pieces throughout a long journey of self-love, self-discovery, and self-identity. A bunch of absolutely amazing things came from this time, but they haven’t been easy to continuously live in. One of those main things is being confident in who I am and not trying to be someone else to please others. This sounds good, but as a true blue people pleaser to my core, it is hard to walk in that mindset. Cue my minor existential shower crisis last night: Family has been an especially hard area of my life to navigate now that I am trying to live and be my authentic self. I am very liberal, they are very conservative. I am very outspoken when it comes to things that I am passionate about, and they a very outspoken in theirs, and quick to remind me of the person they knew before I stopped trying to please everyone. I have to remind myself that they are coming from a place of love most of the time, but it still is hard to know that I am not truly able to fit in with my family. Anyway, as I showered last night, I began to focus on the absolute dread I have been feeling about the approaching holidays and how my family is going to act towards me. I can’t tell you the exact train of thought that lead to this feeling, but at one point I remember thinking, “Well if God doesn’t make mistakes, then I shouldn’t exist.” I know, I know, that is a very morbid thought, but it is what it is. As I heard that statement in my head, I immediately began to feel myself spiral into thoughts of “why can’t I just be what they want me to be,” “Why can’t I just keep my head down and mouth shut,” “WHY the FUCK must I make waves??” That is when I felt something change. I didn’t identify the energy right away, but I suddenly found myself hearing a different voice, a voice that was from a much more secure perspective. The voice asked a simple question, “What if this is why you are here?” Thinking back on that mental exchange, I came to the realization that this was the energy of The Emperor card that I have struggled so hard against. I also found that I have been resisting for this very reason: being a leader and not accepting things as they are is not an easy thing to do. The Emperor will help us grow, but he also demands sacrifice. I cannot embody the energy of The Emperor if I am unwilling to walk in that authority. I’ve heard people talk about this in the past, but I have never sat and allowed myself to fully contemplate the weight of such a purpose. What if I am here to make change? What if my purpose is to make waves? Breaking cycles, changing behaviors and opinions is not easy, it’s not pleasant, and it definitely is not always met with open arms. Forgive me for going to a religious example here, but my background is heavily Christian, and even though I don’t claim to be a practicing Christian anymore, I do still find value and meaning in the teachings of Jesus and the example He gave. Jesus always got under people’s skin and challenged their beliefs. There were numerous times that the religious leaders of the day were looking to execute Him because of claims He made and that He did not just allow them to disrespect the God they claimed to serve, or allow them to continue to do whatever they saw fit in the name of the law. We can also see this play out in more secular people, MLK Jr, Malcom X, Greta Thunberg, and countless others that challenge the status quo in search for a better life for everyone. To put it plainly, if you challenge what people believe to be true, there will always be pushback. So, where does that leave me? Well, it leaves me with questions to answer and decisions to make. Here is the thing though, I know that I still have agency in this aspect of my life. I can choose to ignore this calling. I can choose to just stay silent and blend in. I can honestly say that choosing not to walk this path is not ideal, but it is far more pleasant than taking up the mantle of bringing change to myself and others. If you are feeling like me, you may have to answer similar questions or make similar choices. I want to finish this by leaving those questions below and challenging us to think on these questions, ponder these choices, and, maybe, share your findings if you feel so inclined.
- What changes do you want to see in: -yourself? - your loved ones? - your surroundings?
- What mindsets may be present that that need to change first so you can functionally lead those around you to make similar changes?
- Are you willing to accept the consequences of challenging the status quo?
- How can the energy of The Emperor help us through this journey?